Everyone needs a different amount of time to get over a broken relationship. Some people manage to recover in a few weeks. Others may mourn for years what might have been. It is different from person to person. The length of time it takes for someone to break up with their ex also largely depends on how serious the relationship was and how poorly one or both parties handled the breakup. The end of a summer fling is much less cause for great sadness than the breakup of a relationship that lasted four years, three jobs, and two cities. A mature breakup also often takes less time to get over than one that has been callously uncaring or handled through dastardly means like texting or social media.
No matter how long the relationship has been or how bad the breakup has been, everyone reaches a point where they are over their ex. They may or may not be ready to get back into the dating arena, but thinking about their ex no longer brings them deep sadness or seething anger. However, many people think they have reached that point before they actually do. It's not always easy to tell when you're still holding on to the old relationship, but here are six signs that even if you think you're over your ex, you still haven't moved on.
constant comparison
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You're over your ex and you're ready to start pursuing "the one" again. You know half a dozen people but none of them match the one you had with your ex. Your ex understood your dry sense of humor much better than this blonde. Your ex had a much easier time reading your mood than this surfer boy. Your ex was smarter, funnier, more aware, more understanding, more attractive, and she just got along better with you than anyone else. Have you lost your soul mate? Condemned to settle? Will you be alone forever?
No no and no. They just aren't ready to go back into the dating world. If you compare everyone you know to your ex and no one compares, it's because you're still subconsciously convinced that your ex is right for you. When the relationship ended, they were clearly not the one, but sometimes the heart takes time to accept that reality. Take the time to really get over your ex. So he returns to the world of dating.
stalking on social media
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People are posting absolutely everything on social media more and more. Do you have a new car? Install it on Instagram. Broken arm? Better Say Tumblr. Did you have a good sandwich? Make sure Facebook knows about it. Have you made a fool of yourself in front of your boss? Post this on Twitter. "No selfie, it didn't happen" is a phrase many people take too seriously. Therefore, finding information about your ex's life is usually quite easy. All you have to do is open the laptop and scroll through your social networks.
Most people check their friends' social media accounts at least once a day. Keep in mind that they look at your friends' feeds. Unless you've had the nice breakup of the century, his ex is his ex, not her boyfriend, at least not until the sting has worn off. Therefore, you have nothing to do with being on their social media accounts. You have even less reason to snoop on social media for the person who may or may not be your new flame. If you can't help but keep an eye on your ex, especially if you're looking for evidence that she misses you or that she's made a new friend, you're still not over it.
call first with news
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When you're dealing with someone, they're often the first person you talk to when you hear from them. Whether you're calling because you need a shoulder to cry on, a kind ear to brag about, or just someone to listen freaking out about that roach you found in the bathroom, your significant other is often the first person you think of. If you're really over your ex, he's not the first person you want to share your news with first anymore. If you've really gotten somewhere, you'll want to share updates mostly with platonic friends or family. Up to this point, you may still text or automatically call your ex just to remind yourself that the two of you no longer have the emotional intimacy that something like this requires. So if your ex is the first person you wanted to talk to after falling out with your coworkers or getting a promotion, you're not quite moving on.
worried about seeing her
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If you're really over your ex, you'll react like any other acquaintance when you run into him on the street. You don't ignore his greetings and walk faster to get away from them. They don't hide behind the hot sauce display at the grocery store lest they spot you in threadbare sweats and old sneakers. They don't avoid "their" seats and refuse to attend events where there's even the remotest chance your ex will attend. They also don't mind showing up at their favorite bar on a Friday night looking gorgeous and all that charm to the max. You don't make sure you look amazing every time you leave the house just in case you run into your ex. If you're really over your ex, you don't mind seeing him more than anyone. They're just another acquaintance you may or may not encounter from time to time, rather than some sort of mythical unicorn or angry dragon that is to be impressed or avoided at all costs.
trying to punish her
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You're not trying to get back at someone you've outgrown. This should go without saying, but there are a surprising number of people who insist that they are over their ex but still try to "punish" their ex for leaving them. They worry about flirting with their ex's friends or willfully ignore him when their paths cross. They date someone who is more successful, hotter, or smarter than their ex and make sure their ex knows about the affair.
Even if you avoid these classic behaviors, you may subconsciously try to punish your ex or make him jealous. If your mission is to post every success you have on social media or make sure you look gorgeous in every photo, chances are you're still attached to your ex. The same is true if you suddenly become everything your ex ever wanted. Have you always wanted to date a martial artist? You start taking Aikido lessons. Do you think the aesthetic of surfers is in style? You get blonde highlights and beachy waves. You could also try to punish your ex if you are doing the opposite of what he wanted you to do. If they loved your long hair, you cut it short. If you liked body types that were long and lean, you build muscle. If you still base your appearance and behavior on your ex's preferences, you're still not over him.
Mention her constantly
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When you were still in a relationship with your ex, probably no one was surprised that your ex played a big part in almost every story you had to tell. Most of your friends probably wouldn't be surprised if you kept bringing up your ex a lot right after the breakup. After all, it takes a little while to get used to the fact that you're not the most important person in your ex's life anymore.
Once you're over your ex, he shouldn't be the person you bring up absolutely all the time. You must have anecdotes and stories that involve other people. Yes, your ex may appear in stories about how you got together, but if you've moved on, you should have a lot to talk about that you're not involved with your ex.
Switching from your ex also requires that you don't "casually" ask about them every time you meet up with mutual friends. Ask each week: "How are our mutual friends, like my ex?" I have not seen her for a long time!" It's not as subtle as you think, and it's a sure sign that you're stuck.
Getting over a relationship takes time and patience, and unfortunately there is no rush in the process. You will end the pain of what could have been when you are done and not an hour before this moment. However, if you think you've reached this point, get checked and make sure you're not exhibiting any of these signs. If you do any of these things, you're still not over your ex, and you're certainly not ready to put your hat and heart back in the dating ring. Take a deep breath and focus on healing instead. Then when you're really good, put on your best T-shirt and get out there.